Public Transportation (when I was originally writing this title, I accidentally left out the L in public....)

I feel like a terrible person, I haven't written forever...... Well, nobody is perfect. Its funny, cuz when you separate that word, nobody, into two words, that phrase becomes totally false: No body is perfect. So untrue, my body is most definitely perfect.

So, I don't have a car. I'm in the market for one right now, but really, I have like no money and unfortunately cars tend to be on the expensive side... So for the last ten months or so I've had to rely on public transportation. Thats right, the big PT. PT isn't too bad, its cheap, it gets you where you want to go, or at least within three miles of where you want to go.... You get a lot of great exercise! Walking to the bus station, walking four blocks to get to where you actually need to go, then walking back to the bus station, and back to your apartment. Not to mention that sometimes the actual bus ride can be a workout....

Theres no more seats left and you have to hold onto that dinky little gray strap that is probably covered in germs and diseases ranging from scarlet fever to the black plague, but you gotta hold onto it. So you do, but I really don't know what purpose it serves, cuz really, it gives you absolutely no support, and your body still goes flying around at every turn the bus driver makes! Thats when you get your exercise of course, trying to stay standing up, and not go flying into the old lady on your left, or the rather attractive gentleman on your right, or the big windshield in front of you.... And you have to stay standing as nonchalant as possible, you don't want to embarrass yourself by flailing your arms around, or pulling strange faces as you try to keep your balance, or worst of all scream, but you don't want people to see how much trouble you're really having staying balanced. To solve this problem you engage your core muscles. After a long thirty minute bus ride through the city your abs will be screaming from you standing up straight! Trying to stand up straight on a city bus is much more challenging than trying to stand up straight on those lame balance boards they have at your gym, trust me the bus works you a lot more. I attribute my perfect abdominal muscles to standing on my city's buses for the last ten months.

Theres one other thing about public transportation that gives me a workout. You know when you're walking up to the bus stop, and you just see the bus waiting there? Well, I don't know about you, but I immediately start to panic. According to my watch, there is two minutes left till the bus leaves, but you don't know if the drivers watch is set to the same time as yours. He could be gearing up and getting ready to leave in about five seconds! So, I am faced with a very difficult decision. I could either A) just play it safe and continue walking casually to the bus and hope that it doesn't suddenly leave, or B) I could sprint as fast as I can to the bus, arms full of groceries, with my overstuffed backpack and too-tight pants on, and probably make it on the bus before it leaves. Well, some people will say "play it safe RUN!" but you gotta realize that if I do choose to run to the bus, and it doesn't end up leaving for another two minutes, I just have to sit on the bus awkwardly, knowing that everyone probably saw my mad (and unnecessary) dash to the bus. Embarrassing. And then, even if I do make a crazy run for the bus, and just as I'm about to climb on the bus driver shuts the door, thats even worse! That means i just made myself look like an idiot for nothing! So 9 times out of 10 I choose option A, walking calmly and casually towards the bus. That way, if I do make it to the bus before it leaves, everyone on the bus immediately thinks I'm super cool, since it seemed as if I just knew that the bus would not leave without me. And even if the bus does drive away as I'm walking towards it, I can just do a little fake-out and instead pretend that my true intention was to cross the street, not catch that bus that only comes once every two hours..... Reputation and pride remain intact.

Of course, because of my effort to seem super cool and casual, I usually end up wasting a lot of time sitting at bus stations. So, I actually have a solution to this problem. I propose that public buses begin to put countdown timers on the sides, front, and back of the bus. This way, when you come walking up to a bus, and you see that the timer still says two minutes, you can preserve your dignity and simply walk to the doors. And then if you walk up and see that the timer is counting down from ten seconds, you know its time to throw your pride aside and make a mad dash to the doors. I feel as if adding these simple timers to our city buses would actually help bring about world peace.

:)

:) Normal Smiley face

;) Winking smiley face

:( Sad face

;( Winking sad face (not quite sure why you would wink when you were sad, but just in case...)

:>) The "I have a big nose AND a big smile" face

=) "I'm on drugssssssssssssssssssssssss"

:/ Confusion

:\Anger

:// Super confused

:\\ Super angry

:[) Happy man with a handlebar mustache

:|) Happy Hitler (do not use this face when speaking with Jews!)

#) "I just got beat up" face

G) Happy gansta

-) Cyclops

) Blind man

(: Unnatural.

Bing

I just defied the universe. I went to the Google homepage and typed "Bing" into the search box. It took me straight to bing.com. I then typed "google" into the Bing search box, and it took me to Google's homepage.

I feel like I accomplished a lot today.

Strikes, Unions, & Bananas

Strikes: You know what a strike is, you probably drive by a strike at least once a month. Usually the strikees congregate at a busy intersection that is near the business/corporation they are striking against and there about five or six people there, a few holding up signs, but for the most part everyone is standing around a large plastic banner that says "SHAME ON __________(insert business/corporation name here)".

It looks something like this.

I just wanted to point out to everyone that all of these banners look the same! Seriously, all labor strike banners are white, have "SHAME ON_______", and have "LABOR DISPUTE" written at a slight angle in the top corners of the banner. They all look the same! How do all unions have the exact same banners?!? The only explanation is that unions all have the same supplier of strike products and banners. I imagine that this supplier of unions is called "Union Wholesale Products Inc.". All unions get their banners from this company. Now, all you big business owners out there who are tired of being forced by labor unions to pay your workers fair wages and time off, listen up, I am about to give you the best business advice ever. Buy the company that supplies the unions! No strike supplies, no strike! Theres only one company you gotta take out, now the only problem is finding that company. But after that you're home free! You can do whatever you want to your workers and not have to worry about them going on strike.

Union bosses, I urge you to find a new supplier for your strike products, that or stock up the supplies now, so that when big business does take out "Union Wholesale Products Inc.", you'll have plenty of supplies to conduct your future strikes. Also, what if "Union Wholesale Products Inc." experiences a strike? That would put a hold on all other strikes in the country, because no banners or posters would be getting made! So many things can go wrong.... This is why the government steps in when a company begins to create a monopoly.

Unions: I was called into the counselors office at my high school one time, and my counselor asked me what my plans were for college and a career. Well, I already knew what I wanted to do with my life and exactly how to get there (Become a bum: drop out three days before graduation, then complain about it for the rest of my life to anyone who I meet in the train cars I ride across the country). Now, I knew that I had two options; I could either A) tell her exactly what I wanted to be, have the meeting end in five minutes, and then get sent back to class, which was math by the way, or I could B) Make something up and maybe get out of the rest of class, possibly even part of next class. I chose option B.

I told my counselor that I wanted to be a union boss when I grew up. Not just any union boss, I wanted to be the head of a sanitation workers union. Now, you may ask why I chose a union boss. Well, union bosses are awesome! They are pretty much legalized gangsters! They got big, muscled, tattooed body guards that follow them everywhere and will mess up anyone that annoys them. Not to mention, union bosses got some serious power. Especially if you are the head of a sanitation workers union. A sanitation workers union boss has an entire army of garbage men, janitors, and plumbers at his disposal. This union boss is easily the most powerful man in the city. Why is that you may ask? Well, picture this, the mayor runs over the union bosses prized beagle on accident one day. To avenge the untimely death of his prized beagle, the union boss can then call a strike. All janitors, plumbers, and garbage men stop working. Are you starting to get the picture now? Public restrooms are left unattended, houses begin backing up with sewage, and the streets soon become covered in trash. The union boss has the entire city in the palm of his hand! Really, he can get anything he wants from anyone in that situation! Tell me now if he is not the most powerful man in the city.....

Bananas: You may be asking yourself, "What do bananas have to do with strikes and union bosses?". Absolutely nothing. Bananas are just really good and I'm craving one right now.

Number Two Reason for LOVIN livin at home

I opened the fridge today. You know what I saw? Food. Lots and lots of food. And you know what the best part of all this was? I knew that I could eat anything in the fridge. ANYTHING! In my old apartment, it seemed like all my room mates earned a lot more money than me, so they always had a lot more food than I did. Like, a lot. I would open the fridge and see sodas, milk, fruit, steaks, just tons of delicious food. And none of it was mine. When I was living on my own I always had four things in my fridge, and usually only these four things.

1) Eggs: Cheap and filling, and you can eat them for every meal

2) Cheese: Lots and lots of cheese. Cheese can turn plain eggs into a delightful treat, and a piece of bread into a meal. This was the staple of my diet.

3) Milk: Actually, I hardly ever had milk in my fridge. I am a lover of milk, so whenever I bought a gallon, it would be gone within three days, and there was no way I was about to walk two miles to get another gallon.

4) Ham: Once again, ham is one of those things that can turn a plain meal into something unique and somewhat bearable. I'm pretty sure I could write an entire book on ham recipes I made up this year.

Now, I always knew when I had to go grocery shopping when I opened up my fridge and these four things were nowhere to be found. Actually, one of the reasons I decided to move out this week was because I didn't have any food left. I opened up the fridge one day to see half a Gandolfo's sub sandwich, and a Red Bull was all I had left for that week, and you know that when half of your day's calorie intake is going to come from a Red Bull, you got a serious problem. So I quickly called my mom and asked if she could come pick me up that afternoon. She said yes, thank goodness.

If thats how I stocked my fridge, you may be wondering how I stocked my cupboard. Three words, Case Lot sale. 5 bucks for twelve cans of peaches, thats two meals right there! (Don't judge, I really like peaches). Case lot and chocolate muffin mix is pretty much what I lived off of: One dollar for a packet of mix that would make eight delicious muffins (actually, it was only supposed to make six, but I learned that if I added a bit of water to the mix, I got two more muffins!). And can I just say that I would not have survived college without peanut butter? My trusted PB went with me everywhere. I would just put it in my backpack every morning, so when I got really hungry and didn't have any food, I would just take a big scoop out with my finger.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Missi, if this is how you ate for months, you probably lost tons of weight!". Here's the funny part of the story. Uh, I didn't. Actually, yes I lost a lot of weight, but I think it was more muscle deterioration than fat loss. You see, I would eat BIG SCOOPS of peanut butter, and those muffins were actually calorie packed. Also, for some reason, peach canners feel the need to pour high fructose corn syrup into the cans with fruit, so after one can of peaches, you're looking at like 400 calories. Now if I ate six in one meal.... Yeah, you math whizzes out there can calculate that. And honestly, there are three reasons why I never had much money for grocery shopping in the first place; The Pie, Gandolfo's subs, and Coke products. We won't even get into the calories that those three things punch.

So, living at home, is in short, delicious. Wonderfully delicious. I think I'm going to go open up the fridge and just gaze at all the spectacular things that my mouth can have............ I'll probably gain weight just looking at it........... Oh well I'm over it.

I Started a Blog

Today I started a blog. And the first thing I did was post a bunch of notes I've written on Facebook that I felt were more appropriate for a blog. But there is a new edition, College Laundry. I started this blog so that I had a place that I could write stuff down, because lined paper is so last year. So read it if you want, if not, get off my blog.

College Laundry

I moved home from college for the summer today, actually just a few hours ago. I am already LOVIN IT! You may ask why... Why am I so happy that I am now under my parents supervision? Why am I so happy that I will now have to tell someone where I am going, and when I will be home? Why am I so happy that now someone can tell me "No Missi, don't do that, that is dangerous."? Well, because there are some serious perks to living with parents as awesome as mine, but I would like to talk about just one......

I am SO FLIPPIN' HAPPY that I can do laundry whenever I want!

College Laundry compared to Parents House Laundry: I have to walk a half mile to the nearest gas station every time I want to do laundry because the laundry room in my apartment building doesn't have a change machine. So I walk to that gas station, with a five dollar bill, and get five dollars worth of quarters so I can do my laundry. Can I just say that I think it is wrong to pay five dollars to do your own laundry? If I'm paying five dollars for some clean clothes, I expect someone else to do it for me. Just saying.... Now that I'm home, its free for me to do my laundry! No more walking to the gas station to get a few quarters, I just gotta walk up my stairs to the laundry room! Although I guarantee that by the end of the summer that walk is going to seem very long.....

In college, money is not power, money is life, so you skimp wherever possible to just save yourself a few dimes. Laundry a great place to skimp, so if I didn't absolutely have to do my laundry, I didn't. Basically, what dictated my laundry schedule was my underwear and sock situation. If I didn't have any clean underwear and socks left, I knew it was time to do laundry. It didn't matter if I had worn all of my shirts four or five times, or how dirty my pants were, I could just spray a little body spray on them and make them smell nice, and I was presentable. You can't do that with socks and underwear, you just gotta wash those ones. So, when my underwear ran out, I would make that long trek up to the gas station, pay my five dollars, and then begin my laundry. Now that I'm home, I can wash those dirty shirts and jeans after a single use! Life is good.....

The second most expensive part of laundry is the detergent. Its ridiculous how much people can charge you for soap now-a-days. Being hygienic should never have to hurt your wallet! So, to save money on soap, I would only pour enough detergent into the cup so that it would hit about halfway between the bottom and the lowest line. You may think that this means that my clothes were never adequately clean, but I got three words for you "Tide-to-Go". Clean clothes wherever you go! Since I'm at home now, I can fill that little cup up to the brim! We all know my clothes could certainly use that sort of deep cleaning.

So that is how I save on the wash cycle; Wash only when necessary and use as little soap as physically possible. But then the drying cycle! The drying cycle costs me over half my quarters! First of all, the dryers are never as big as the washer, and second of all, they suck. Usually it takes two or three uses on the same dryer to get half your wash load adequately dry! So, after you wash your clothes, they are soaking wet and you have no choice but to dry them. My solution to this problem is simple. Hang dry my clothes. I'll just put half my clothes in the dryer, and the other half I hang up all over my apartment, and when I say all over my apartment, I mean all over the apartment. The closet, bed post, dresser, desk drawers, my pull up bar, I have even had to tie extension cords across the room and hang my clothes from there. This turns my apartment into a jungle, a jungle filled with random socks, underwear, and t-shirts. Sorta like something you would see in the jungle on the TV show Lost. Here at home, the dryer may even be a little bigger than the washer! And its great! One cycle and my clothes are dry! Did I mention its free for me too? Thats great. No more desperate hang drying.

This complicated and arduous process usually takes me about three hours. Twenty-four if you count the amount of time it takes for clothes to hang dry. This summer, laundry will be great though. It will still take me about three hours, but it will be a very simple, and cost-free three hours. Put in the soap, put in the clothes, put the clothes in the dryer.... Simple. No steps that include inserting quarters.